Some human behaviors come so naturally… Yet they’re extremely self-destructive…
For example, when you’ve been dating a woman you really like, you may start feeling the need to try to solidify things with her. Here’s what usually happens:
You start to like the girl, so you feel the urge to spend more time with her. As your feelings for her grow stronger, your attachment to the future that you’re envisioning with her also steadily increases. You want to be around her, kiss her, have sex with her, and make her your girlfriend. You think about her and like her so much that you actually start getting insecure and nervous when you’re around her… You may even start feeling a little possessive.
When you’re exchanging text messages with her and she talks about her plans to go out Friday night, the one question running through your head is “why wasn’t I invited?”. When the two of you are out on your second date and she mentions that she went to the bar with her friends last weekend, you’re immediately wondering “what if she gave her phone number out to other guys?”.
And because of this, you start trying to lock down the future with her. You’re constantly bugging her about commiting to plans… You’re subtly hinting that you have strong feelings for her… You might even come out with it and start asking her if she feels the same way towards you.
If you’ve spent any amount of time studying dating advice then I most likely don’t have to tell you that this kind of behavior is completely unattractive in the eyes of a woman. It’s strange though, because when you’re starting to like her, doing these sort of things seems to come very naturally. So how can you fix this? Well, the answer is simple, but goes completely against your natural instincts…
When you’re spending time with her, your main focus should be to have as much fun as possible… And NOT try to confirm anything or lock anything down with her. Just think about it: If you’re having a lot of fun with a person the first time you hang out with them, wouldn’t you want to hang out with them some more? And if the two of you continued to have fun every time you hung out, don’t you think it’d be very easy to start a relationship with her?
On the flip side, if the person was nervous and insecure the whole time, and tried to force you into spending more time with them, the only reason you’d end up hanging out again would be due to the guilt you feel. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but guilt won’t make her your girlfriend.
So here’s lesson #1 for how to get a girlfriend:
Lesson #1 for how to get a girlfriend: When you’re with her, just focus on smiling, making her smile, and basically just living in the moment.
Now let me go a bit deeper into this… Because, while you do want a woman to have a lot of fun when she’s spending time with you, you also want her to invest in a future with you, which gets her thinking about you constantly and maybe even obsessing over you (which is exactly what you want). Here’s my little saying for this:
“Live in the moment, flirt with the future”
You ALWAYS want to be living in the moment when you’re with a woman you like. Have as much fun with her as you possibly can, and realize that if you do this, she’ll be just as excited as you when it comes to spending more time together. But you’re also going to “flirt with the future”.
What this means is that you’re going to give subtle hints of the things that you’re going to be doing… Things that the two of you could do together… But the trick is to mention these things so casually that she won’t be certain as to whether or not you were even being serious about them. For example, if you tell her about your favorite place to get pizza in the city…
“Wait, you’ve never been to Artichoke Pizza? It’s SO amazing. I’m definitely taking you there next time we hang out. They actually mix Artichoke dip with cheese and bake it onto their deep-dish pizza. What place have you ever been to that tops that??”
Take note of how I very subtly mentioned the idea of next time we hang out. And also take note of how there was absolutely no attempt made to confirm the plans. Basically, you want you be so confident and casual that the two of you WILL hang out again, that she becomes even more attracted to you. Here’s another example:
“No way, you like Dazed and Confused too? I thought I was the only one! Ok, we’re definitely going to do a movie marathon. What other movies do you like?”
See how casual this was? You basically want to confidently assume that you’re going to be doing something with her… And then you switch right over to asking her a question.
When you’re saying things like this to her, you’re flirting with the future. Touch and go. You’re casually suggesting to do a movie marathon… Then switching right back into asking another question. When it comes to making a girl your girlfriend, this is probably the most powerful and attractive thing a guy can do.
Well, it gets you looking for things you have in common with her, and also gets you talking about the things that you’re interested in, so that’s an awesome start. Then it also subtly shows her that you’re completely confident in the fact that you know you’re going to see her again. Believe me, women do notice this. But above all else, it creates a whole bunch of “future memories” of the fun times you’re going to be having with her in the future.
Her brain becomes filled with images of the two of you having an amazing time together, doing all kinds of fun things. She knows for a fact that she’s going to have a blast because you’re always living in the moment when you’re with her… And because you’re not a needy guy who tries to overconfirm your plans with her, she even begins to wonder if you really mean all this stuff you’re saying… And this gets her wondering if you really even like her…
At this point, the tables have completely turned, and SHE becomes the one who’s trying to lock YOU down. By the time I’m onto the second date with a woman, we usually have a lengthy list, about ten items long, of things that I casually mentioned we should do together. And as long as we’re both having fun, I’m 100% certain that she’s going to want to continue hanging out with me.
When you apply this stuff to your game and “live in the moment, flirt with the future”, you’re going to have a massive advantage over all the other guys. Whether they have lots of money or are way better looking than you, you’ll still come out on top. This truly is the quickest way to her heart, and the best way to get her to see you as boyfriend material.
These were a few tips that I learnt from my friend and top-level dating coach, Christian Hudson. If you’re serious about getting an amazing girlfriend, then I highly recommend you watch his FREE video presentation and discover his 3 simple steps that you can use to attract your dream girl and turn her into your loving, loyal girlfriend. These steps are so simple, yet they can even be used to break free of the friend zone, or turn a “cold” girl into a girl who desperately wants to be with you…